Growing Pains

Yea, more 25-year-old angst! Just what the world needs more of. But it's my blog, so I rule as see fit here in this digital domain.

I've finally found a second job working at Mad Greens. I feel like the oldest person there, one of them at least. But I'm going to suck it up, work, and make money. After all, that's what my original intention was. The days have been flying by as of late working two jobs. Thankfully I'm still working on the second novel and it's coming along rather well.

So I've finally rustled up the courage to find an agent. It's something that I've been nervous about for quite some time. My novel has been finished for about 6 months now and there's no need for it to collect dust. I really do think it has an excellent chance of being published if someone is brave enough to take a chance on me. At this point it's fear that become my biggest obstacle.

It's become nearly painfully apparent that I'm simply not cut out for working a normal 9-5 job. I'm too much of a daydreamer, often find myself wondering what the hell I'm doing doing menial tasks (not that I'm too good to do them, just that I know I'm meant for more), that and I always feel like someone's bitch. I'm ready to have lunch with my agent, attend writer's meetings, have talks with studios about turning my work into a movie or TV show, and attending book signings.

I think I'm slowly but surely starting to feel like the 25-year-old that I am. I'm ready to live the life that I want to live rather than the one I have to live. Thinking about this gives me a certain feeling of assurance, so maybe this is what is meant to be.

I pray that it is.

Quarter Life Crisis

I'm too young to experience a breakdown and yet I'm having one.

25 is turning out to be quite a fun year, replete with feelings of inadequacy, failure, poverty, and a general sense of loss.

Someone please tell me it gets better.

Lift Your Head Child

So I've been feeling better lately about the direction my life is going even though I feel as if I'm standing where I've been standing for quite a while. I don't know, there's this sense of security that's settled over me, as if someone has whispered in my ear that everything is going to be okay even though sometimes it doesn't feel that way.

I've rededicated myself to my writing...again. I think it's just the fact that I'm turning 25 next week and I feel as if I haven't done much of anything at all or anything of significance in all of the years that I've walked this earth. It's going to take me a while to get my writing career started, maybe, and I don't want to waste any more time than I have to working dead end jobs where I constantly find my worth being undervalued either by myself or my employer. I know what I'm good at and what I'm not good at, to a certain degree, and I really don't want to keep wasting my time.

Still looking for a second job. I think I'll work two jobs for a while to see how things work out and possibly quit one in the future. Who knows.

I just hope that this feeling doesn't end, or if it does I just hope I remember what it feels like. And I think that I will.

Take care, gentle readers.

PUBLICATION!

I've finally been published! Well, this makes twice if you count the two poems I had in my university's literary magazine. Hopefully this will be the first in a long line of publications.

Check out "SanGuine" on Chaos Theory: Tales Askew e-zine.

http://www.genspace.com/ctta/issue-13/tocframe.htm

Welcome Home, Weary Travelers

So it's been quite a while since I've updated my blog and the reason for that is because I've been in a bit of a funk. Work, my career, my life itself. All of it feels as if it's somehow out of my hands, out of my control. It's a lot like someone else controlling your body, your thoughts, your actions. They're inherently yours, you were born to them and yet someone else is pulling the strings. Believe me, it's as frustrating as it sounds.

I finally got myself a job, but it's less than ideal. I'm making money again, which I'm really thankful for, but the hours and my boss are less than ideal. I'm going to stick it out for now, because I'd rather be frustrated and employed rather than unemployed and frustrated like I was for several months before this. So for now I'm looking for employment elsewhere. I'm not sure if I'm going to work both jobs and quit this one or just work the one. I'll have to see how it all works out.

I haven't been writing lately. I'm not sure if it's that I've grown bored with what I'm working on now, or if I should take a break from what I'm working on now to do something else. I have an idea for a fantasy zombie survival novelette, but I'm not sure as to the best way to execute it.

I'll be 25 next month and I feel as if I haven't done much of anything with my life. I feel as if I've been shuffling forward rather than sprinting like I want to. I'll wake up next week and I'll be a 40 year old man wondering where the years went. But I don't want to do that. I want to know where my life is going, look back and know that I lived a good and full life full of lessons, laughter, accomplishments. But in order to do that I have to start now. I need to make a list, make a plan of where I want to be as well as where I don't want to be. Maybe today is the first day of the rest of my life.

I am born.

The Purpose of Being

We live and we die. What happens in between? Choices. But are those choices ours, or someone else's? Were we born to be lawyers, writers, forensic anthropologists, presidents, teachers, and doctors or was all of that decided before we were born?

Some of us believe that everything we are, everything we have we owe to a higher power. But what if the only person we owe for our success or failure is ourselves? Maybe we mistake a natural aptitude for destiny. That's not to say that god or whoever doesn't have a say in what happens in our existence, but what if that higher power decided to give us an aimless life, a life that they don't direct, one that the human being themselves directs. Some are directed, destined, while others are experiments, something to observe to pass the time.

Last night I asked myself why I was born, what my purpose in life was. Was I born to always suffer, always struggle in one way or another, or is that everyone's lot in life? Was I born to write or is it just a skill that I've manged to acquire over the years?

It's often been said that God has a plan for all of us, and I have to wonder about that sometimes. I look at the world today and can't help but wonder if this is really all God's plan. Unemployment, massive oil spills, devastating hurricanes, suicide, civil rights being taken away. Has God lost control of His own creation? Is he trying to destroy it as carefully as he constructed it?

I always have so many questions and very rarely do I have answers. Maybe I never will. Perhaps it's enough that I'm wondering about all of this.

Just point me in the right direction, I'm ready for blast off.

Creation

Lately I've been thinking about my writing career, something that's been put somewhat on the back burner until I find employment. But like all pressing matters, it's something that keeps popping up whether you want it to or not.

What I've been thinking about most is how varied I'd like for my career to be. I love the idea of writing video game and comic book scripts just as I love the idea of writing screenplays. So many ways to tell so many stories. I want to do something similar to what Gabriel Garcia Marquez did with "Five Years of Solitude." There's just something about writing a story about the origins of a village, country, nation, etc. You get to write the world as you see fit, and maybe even as you don't see fit to add an extra layer to the story.

I also like the idea of creating my own mythology, something just as timeless and intriguing as Greek or Roman mythology. Shows like Buffy, Angel, Battlestar Galactica immediately come to mind when I think about modern day mythology. Something that's completely original and bound by that universe's own rules. The idea for this came from the latest installment in the God of War video games series. The team that put that project together simply went above and beyond to deliver a quality product. It's nice to know that originality and innovation aren't completely dying arts.

Hopefully my writing career will start soon and hopefully it will be all and more that I pray it will be. Here's to a wonderful adventure.

Peace. Out.