Welcome Home, Weary Travelers

So it's been quite a while since I've updated my blog and the reason for that is because I've been in a bit of a funk. Work, my career, my life itself. All of it feels as if it's somehow out of my hands, out of my control. It's a lot like someone else controlling your body, your thoughts, your actions. They're inherently yours, you were born to them and yet someone else is pulling the strings. Believe me, it's as frustrating as it sounds.

I finally got myself a job, but it's less than ideal. I'm making money again, which I'm really thankful for, but the hours and my boss are less than ideal. I'm going to stick it out for now, because I'd rather be frustrated and employed rather than unemployed and frustrated like I was for several months before this. So for now I'm looking for employment elsewhere. I'm not sure if I'm going to work both jobs and quit this one or just work the one. I'll have to see how it all works out.

I haven't been writing lately. I'm not sure if it's that I've grown bored with what I'm working on now, or if I should take a break from what I'm working on now to do something else. I have an idea for a fantasy zombie survival novelette, but I'm not sure as to the best way to execute it.

I'll be 25 next month and I feel as if I haven't done much of anything with my life. I feel as if I've been shuffling forward rather than sprinting like I want to. I'll wake up next week and I'll be a 40 year old man wondering where the years went. But I don't want to do that. I want to know where my life is going, look back and know that I lived a good and full life full of lessons, laughter, accomplishments. But in order to do that I have to start now. I need to make a list, make a plan of where I want to be as well as where I don't want to be. Maybe today is the first day of the rest of my life.

I am born.

The Purpose of Being

We live and we die. What happens in between? Choices. But are those choices ours, or someone else's? Were we born to be lawyers, writers, forensic anthropologists, presidents, teachers, and doctors or was all of that decided before we were born?

Some of us believe that everything we are, everything we have we owe to a higher power. But what if the only person we owe for our success or failure is ourselves? Maybe we mistake a natural aptitude for destiny. That's not to say that god or whoever doesn't have a say in what happens in our existence, but what if that higher power decided to give us an aimless life, a life that they don't direct, one that the human being themselves directs. Some are directed, destined, while others are experiments, something to observe to pass the time.

Last night I asked myself why I was born, what my purpose in life was. Was I born to always suffer, always struggle in one way or another, or is that everyone's lot in life? Was I born to write or is it just a skill that I've manged to acquire over the years?

It's often been said that God has a plan for all of us, and I have to wonder about that sometimes. I look at the world today and can't help but wonder if this is really all God's plan. Unemployment, massive oil spills, devastating hurricanes, suicide, civil rights being taken away. Has God lost control of His own creation? Is he trying to destroy it as carefully as he constructed it?

I always have so many questions and very rarely do I have answers. Maybe I never will. Perhaps it's enough that I'm wondering about all of this.

Just point me in the right direction, I'm ready for blast off.